"Sometimes you just want to forget who you are altogether." -Dexter
I've become good at hiding myself. Especially from myself.
Low and slow
Saturday, January 30, 2010
at
1:19 AM
"It was always right there. I have to say goodbye in order to reconnect with what's really important. With who I was; with who I have to be." -Dexter
It's weird that I got that quote, which I really like, from a character on a show who is a serial killer. The background for it being (don't read on if you don't want anything spoiled...or something) that he let go of his dead brother in order to live his life. However, even knowing how true that statement is and how well it could and should apply to my as well, I can't seem to accept it. I can't say goodbye to the things in the past to move on. I know I should. I know it's holding me back. So why am I not able to do what my conscious mind has accepts as the right course of action? Is it possible that it isn't the right course of action and my subconscious is just being a bitch? Quite possibly. This seems to happen to me a lot though. The not doing things I know I should and not the subconscious taking over my actions part. I tell myself I won't get behind in work. I end up procrastinating still. I honestly say now that my self control is horrible (for most things), my self-confidence is as wavering as a monkey on a high wire, and my personal limit is pushed to the limit constantly. This semester feels different though from past years. So how will I change myself? Easy I...Oh wait not easy, I meant no fucking clue.
It's weird that I got that quote, which I really like, from a character on a show who is a serial killer. The background for it being (don't read on if you don't want anything spoiled...or something) that he let go of his dead brother in order to live his life. However, even knowing how true that statement is and how well it could and should apply to my as well, I can't seem to accept it. I can't say goodbye to the things in the past to move on. I know I should. I know it's holding me back. So why am I not able to do what my conscious mind has accepts as the right course of action? Is it possible that it isn't the right course of action and my subconscious is just being a bitch? Quite possibly. This seems to happen to me a lot though. The not doing things I know I should and not the subconscious taking over my actions part. I tell myself I won't get behind in work. I end up procrastinating still. I honestly say now that my self control is horrible (for most things), my self-confidence is as wavering as a monkey on a high wire, and my personal limit is pushed to the limit constantly. This semester feels different though from past years. So how will I change myself? Easy I...Oh wait not easy, I meant no fucking clue.
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I wumbo, you wumbo, he, she, we wumbo
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
at
8:33 PM
“An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have. The older she gets the more interested he is in her.” -Agatha Christie
Commuting has its pros and cons. Driving everyday basically has led me to the conclusion that most of the people today can't drive. By all means am I no amazing driver that could drive around blindfolded, but I would say I'm above average and I think I'm a pretty considerate driver. There are things though I will always hate though on the road.
Commuting has its pros and cons. Driving everyday basically has led me to the conclusion that most of the people today can't drive. By all means am I no amazing driver that could drive around blindfolded, but I would say I'm above average and I think I'm a pretty considerate driver. There are things though I will always hate though on the road.
- People who don't use their turn signals ever. Super super annoying. Is it that hard to just give the indicators a quick flick with your hand?
- People who tailgate. I understand everyone thinks the world revolves around them and are always late. I don't care. Driving 2 inches behind me will just make me drive slower to annoy you.
- People who leave their high beams on. If you're behind me and you leave it on I just drive slower.
- People who do other things while driver. Usually I don't mind people talking on their phone while driving only if they can actually do it. If you drive like a moron while doing other things I develop a hate for you.
- People who drive under the speed limit in the left lane. That's the worst.
- People who don'd do the thank you wave when you let them into your lane. It's just polite.
- SUVs and trucks. Hate them. I will never own one. If I ever do it'll be because I would be living in the middle of nowhere and actually need it.
- People who wait until the very, very, very last moment to move from the exit off ramp.
There are some things though that I don't mind now.
- People driving manual cars. People were really nice to me when I first started driving a manual on the road as in not honking when I've stalled and such so I'm pretty much just passing on the love.
- Motorcycles. I've actually never minded them before, but now I just give them much more space knowing how much more space they need to.
This has been a pointless entry.
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You don't get something for nothing.
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
at
8:26 PM
“I know that you believe you understand what you think I said, but I'm not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant.” -Robert McCloskey
At times you just need to stand up and say fuck you life.
At times you just need to stand up and say fuck you life.
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Welcome to the world.
Thursday, January 14, 2010
at
10:20 PM
"If you smile when no one else is around, you really mean it." -Andy Rooney
So goals are important right? Obviously the answer is yes. When you work towards something and you finally reach that point, nothing feels greater. You feel like you can do pretty much anything, which is true as long as you put your mind to it. During my second full day of work in over 4 months (ewww) I definitely had plenty of time thinking about what I'm working towards in my life. Some are materialistic, some are life-related, and some are just personal goals for my own benefit, which I obviously am not going to share. I came up with a quick list of things that came to me and wrote them down at work so I wouldn't forget one. Thus, here is my list of goals. Sort of.
P.s. I just noticed both of my posts in January so far start with "Welcome to the". I'm just that awesome. Welcome to the new decade.
So goals are important right? Obviously the answer is yes. When you work towards something and you finally reach that point, nothing feels greater. You feel like you can do pretty much anything, which is true as long as you put your mind to it. During my second full day of work in over 4 months (ewww) I definitely had plenty of time thinking about what I'm working towards in my life. Some are materialistic, some are life-related, and some are just personal goals for my own benefit, which I obviously am not going to share. I came up with a quick list of things that came to me and wrote them down at work so I wouldn't forget one. Thus, here is my list of goals. Sort of.
- Become a doctor. What kind? No idea. Md/PhD? No idea. Maybe both actually. Research or patient care? No idea. As you can tell all that career prep is really paying.
- Be more healthy. Basically eat better, work out more (which I've started doing again. Go me! Soon it'll be sexy time.), etc.
- Way long term goals including getting married, making enough money to lead a comfortable life, having kids, and staying married (Added this after thinking about it. Plenty of people get married these days, it's staying married that's the real challenge.) Typical goals these long term ones.
- If I decided to go towards more patient oriented health care, then a goal of mine is to have my own private practice. Word.
- Give a chance for my parents to basically retire and relax without a single worry. My parents have really worked super hard and made a lot of sacrifices I'm sure, some of which I probably have no idea about, to give me what I have today and they definitely deserve to have some relaxing fun time after all that.
- Study abroad somewhere. Preferable an English speaking country since I can't speak any other language. I was thinking Australia along the coast cause they have koalas. And beaches. However, I was looking at the Chemical Engineering website for CP and they have a summer study abroad session, for this upcoming summer at least, to study in London. If they do that every summer or something similar then I'm definitely shooting for that since I can't do that now.
- And finally the one I seriously can't wait for and probably the most ridiculous one actually, is to buy a motorcycle. A sport one not one of those cruisers. Some people seem to think I'm joking when I say I'm gonna get a motorcycle, but I'm dead serious. It's not even I think I'll get one. It's I will get one. It's just a matter of when since I have to save up for the bike itself, gear so I don't kill myself going zoom zoom, a motorcycle safety course to get my license, and of course, insurance. This way my parent's can't complain since I'm paying for everything. So one of these days you'll see an asian kid riding around on a motorcycle around HoCo. Watch out. Though seriously, you should probably watch out once I get it. Who knows what could happen...
P.s. I just noticed both of my posts in January so far start with "Welcome to the". I'm just that awesome. Welcome to the new decade.
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Welcome to the good life.
Sunday, January 3, 2010
at
9:46 PM
"Thought is free." -William Shakespeare
I was thinking today about how much I miss blogging. Just the feeling of being able to let your thoughts and feelings out either with the world or just yourself. So that's why I've decided to start using this thing more. I've moved away from Xanga, but I think this will do quite nicely as a replacement. Also, I don't know if anyone has noticed, but at the beginning at most of my posts there is a quote. Sometimes relevant, other times not. The reason why I include a quote is that I love the power a quote has. Simple, yet profound. I know this wasn't much of a post, but it's a start. I know this wasn't much of a post, but it's a start.
I was thinking today about how much I miss blogging. Just the feeling of being able to let your thoughts and feelings out either with the world or just yourself. So that's why I've decided to start using this thing more. I've moved away from Xanga, but I think this will do quite nicely as a replacement. Also, I don't know if anyone has noticed, but at the beginning at most of my posts there is a quote. Sometimes relevant, other times not. The reason why I include a quote is that I love the power a quote has. Simple, yet profound. I know this wasn't much of a post, but it's a start. I know this wasn't much of a post, but it's a start.
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