"It was always right there. I have to say goodbye in order to reconnect with what's really important. With who I was; with who I have to be." -Dexter
It's weird that I got that quote, which I really like, from a character on a show who is a serial killer. The background for it being (don't read on if you don't want anything spoiled...or something) that he let go of his dead brother in order to live his life. However, even knowing how true that statement is and how well it could and should apply to my as well, I can't seem to accept it. I can't say goodbye to the things in the past to move on. I know I should. I know it's holding me back. So why am I not able to do what my conscious mind has accepts as the right course of action? Is it possible that it isn't the right course of action and my subconscious is just being a bitch? Quite possibly. This seems to happen to me a lot though. The not doing things I know I should and not the subconscious taking over my actions part. I tell myself I won't get behind in work. I end up procrastinating still. I honestly say now that my self control is horrible (for most things), my self-confidence is as wavering as a monkey on a high wire, and my personal limit is pushed to the limit constantly. This semester feels different though from past years. So how will I change myself? Easy I...Oh wait not easy, I meant no fucking clue.
It's weird that I got that quote, which I really like, from a character on a show who is a serial killer. The background for it being (don't read on if you don't want anything spoiled...or something) that he let go of his dead brother in order to live his life. However, even knowing how true that statement is and how well it could and should apply to my as well, I can't seem to accept it. I can't say goodbye to the things in the past to move on. I know I should. I know it's holding me back. So why am I not able to do what my conscious mind has accepts as the right course of action? Is it possible that it isn't the right course of action and my subconscious is just being a bitch? Quite possibly. This seems to happen to me a lot though. The not doing things I know I should and not the subconscious taking over my actions part. I tell myself I won't get behind in work. I end up procrastinating still. I honestly say now that my self control is horrible (for most things), my self-confidence is as wavering as a monkey on a high wire, and my personal limit is pushed to the limit constantly. This semester feels different though from past years. So how will I change myself? Easy I...Oh wait not easy, I meant no fucking clue.
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