“Look at a day when you are supremely satisfied at the end. It's not a day when you lounge around doing nothing; it's when you've had everything to do, and you've done it.”
Day 8: A moment when I most felt satisfied with my life
I would have to say when I became a member of Delta Epsilon Mu. Literally one of the best decisions of my life. I love the people and the group. It gave me a group of people that I could give me support and hang out with. As simple as that. Good time that was.
Can you teach me how to snuggie? (Day 7)
Friday, October 22, 2010
at
3:15 AM
“There are many methods for predicting the future. For example, you can read horoscopes, tea leaves, tarot cards, or crystal balls. Collectively, these methods are known as "nutty methods." Or you can put well-researched facts into sophisticated computer models, more commonly referred to as "a complete waste of time.” -Scott Adams
Day 7: My zodiac sign
I don't know much about horoscopes and zodiac signs or any of that mumbo jumbo. Meaning I had to actually look up what my zodiac sign meant. According to references from Wikipedia, "Capricorn is the tenth sign of the Zodiac, and it is a sign that focuses its energy on hard work, believing that this is the only way they can climb the stairs of life. People born under this sign show great discipline and ambition, they are determined and don't give up on their goals. Capricorns don't lose touch with reality and their practical sense prevents them from taking on more than they can handle." Eh can't say I really agree with it all too much. While I do try to focus a lot of my energy on working hard it doesn't always end up that way. Like now for instance. I should be studying, which I was, but I'm taking a break to write this post. I have random bursts of super concentration, but very few. Great discipline and determined...yeah not so much either. Again, I try, but I usually fall short. Those two things are basically self-control. Am I able to control my actions to do what I need to do or want to do. The answer is no. I've already accepted I have horrible self-control. I'll end this post with my horoscope for today, which I got from Yahoo. "You can plow your way through almost anything today, and expect to get all the way through without any trouble. It's a really good time for you to bump up your productivity and meet deadlines."
Day 7: My zodiac sign
I don't know much about horoscopes and zodiac signs or any of that mumbo jumbo. Meaning I had to actually look up what my zodiac sign meant. According to references from Wikipedia, "Capricorn is the tenth sign of the Zodiac, and it is a sign that focuses its energy on hard work, believing that this is the only way they can climb the stairs of life. People born under this sign show great discipline and ambition, they are determined and don't give up on their goals. Capricorns don't lose touch with reality and their practical sense prevents them from taking on more than they can handle." Eh can't say I really agree with it all too much. While I do try to focus a lot of my energy on working hard it doesn't always end up that way. Like now for instance. I should be studying, which I was, but I'm taking a break to write this post. I have random bursts of super concentration, but very few. Great discipline and determined...yeah not so much either. Again, I try, but I usually fall short. Those two things are basically self-control. Am I able to control my actions to do what I need to do or want to do. The answer is no. I've already accepted I have horrible self-control. I'll end this post with my horoscope for today, which I got from Yahoo. "You can plow your way through almost anything today, and expect to get all the way through without any trouble. It's a really good time for you to bump up your productivity and meet deadlines."
|
0
comments
|
The spotlights here can burn holes through the stage (Day 6)
Thursday, October 21, 2010
at
3:16 AM
“He who knows others is wise. He who knows himself is enlightened.” -Lao Tzu
Day 6: 30 facts about me
Day 6: 30 facts about me
- I'm good at hiding what's going on inside myself. Pretty much I'm good at putting a mask on to hide the truth.
- I get easily discouraged. The few times I'm not are when I really am excited about doing whatever it is.
- Getting into photography was a pleasant surprise for me. I never thought I would actually take it up as an actual hobby with legit gear. Speaking of which if anyone wants to model for me lemme know, I want to try out shooting with people.
- I spend too much time on my computer and because of this I'm more comfortable talking to people through my computer than in person. Not saying I don't want to talk to people in person, but if it's about say something personal or something difficult to talk about then I would rather do it not in person. Maybe it's just because I'd rather not be looking into the persons eyes for fear of being judged.
- Looking back on the entry about the time I thought about ending my life, I now admit that I have cut myself once.
- I will get a motorcycle. At some point in my life I will get one. I don't care. I know it's dangerous, but it looks so damn enjoyable. It'll be my guilty pleasure
- I view people around me as being perfect, which really doesn't help. I don't see them as having flaws. Only until I see or hear them doing something that shows their flaws do I start to lower my view.
- I try to be a gentleman all the time. Notice how I said try.
- I enjoy my alone time a lot. During these times I usually go out on a phototrip by myself, read a book, or just sit around and listen to my ipod. Sometimes I like to have my alone time around other people too. Sounds a little weird, but just being around people is a comfort to me.
- I think about my past relationships way too much.
- I thoroughly enjoy a good discussion with people. By discussion I mean a serious thoughtful discussion about something meaningful. Or in simpler terms, a heart to heart. I love them because I enjoy the conversation and getting closer to the person.
- Trust is one of the things I value most in any form of a relationship.
- I sometimes feel like I'm having panic attacks. I usually just wait until it goes away though. Not quite sure what to do about it.
- Doing this 30 facts about me is just reminding me about the Tell me about yourself question that will be asked during medical school interviews, which in turn makes me want to crawl into a hole and never come out.
- I'm doing this 30 day thing out of order because as I try to catch up I tend to focus more on the ones I enjoy doing. They end up being also the more interesting posts.
- Girls confuse the crap out of me. No one will ever understand why they do what they do. Even them.
- I feel inadequate to the people around me.
- I do that whole inner dialogue thing. I have entire conversations, interactions, and discussions in my head. Everything plays out in my head instead of actually doing it.
- I wish I was more connected to my culture and could also speak vietnamese.
- I try to please everybody, but that means sometimes it's not the best for me.
- I have lots of trouble sleeping nowadays.
- I hate being a shy kid. It's hard for me to change.
- There is nothing better than taking my hammock, laying out in my backyard on a sunny and breezy spring day, reading a good book, and listening to my ipod.
- Since I don't drink and I don't like large crowds I don't go out. While I do think that if I can't have fun sober then what's the point, it raises the question what if I just can't have fun?
- Top Gear is my favorite show of all time. Love watching it anytime.
- I honestly don't know that much about religion or politics or any of those sorts of things that everybody is so opinionated about.
- I wish I could just travel across Europe for a summer with my camera.
- I always wonder if I'm making the right life decisions.
- I hate awkward silences.
- This is one of the hardest entries I've done in awhile. I honestly had trouble doing 30 substantive facts.
|
1 comments
|
I'm gonna need you to say something baby (Day Five)
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
at
1:20 PM
"We hate some persons because we do not know them; and we will not know them because we hate them." -Charles Caleb Colton
Day Five: A time I thought about ending my own life.
I'll be honest here. At one point in my life I have considered it. It was a....troubling time. The reason why I haven't posted an entry for a few days was that I was considering how much to actually I was actually gonna say about this subject. Well mostly I was just looking back on this time when I was at my lowest point. Everyone has their off days and they usually bounce back after a couple of days or so then they're back to their usual selves. For me though the off "day" just never seemed to go away. Nothing, and I mean absolutely nothing, was making me happy or even just content. I always just kept thinking to myself this feeling has got to end soon right? My normal state can't possibly be this depressed. Then of course with the addition of doing poorly in school due to my depressed state, which lead to a downward spiral cause I would feel even worse about doing poorly in school and the cycle would continue. Basically the only thing healthy during this time was my physical health. I would go to the gym to work out to get those endorphins going and to just release some stress, anger, and feelings of laziness.
In health class we've learned about depression and suicide. We learned the symptoms and signs and how to help others who were going through it. Of course the actual experience of it changes it all. None of the things I learned about in health pointed me in that direction. I just knew that I felt like shit all the time and it wasn't improving. I knew that I felt like my life was pointless. I knew that I felt like no one cared. Then the scariest thought I've ever had crossed my mind. What if I ended it? What if I took the selfish, easy way out and ended my life? Obviously I didn't do that. The weird thing to me is that usually you hear about people who can't do it because they end up being too afraid of dying to actually go through with it. They don't have an easy way to actually do it. For me though, the reasons why I didn't actually go through with it is that I didn't want to burden the people I know. My parents would still have to pay my student loans, I'd probably make a mess of something they'd have to clean, just stupid things like that. The biggest reason though was that I actually feel like I scared myself out of doing it. This entire time I was just focusing on how I was feeling at the moment and that was all that mattered. After those first thoughts of actually ending my life I just thought to myself holy shit did that really just cross my mind? The fact that I actually went down that train of thought scared me. For awhile I still felt the same, but after some time I started to improve my mood. And that people is time when I considered ending my life. Horrible and depressing yes, but at least I came through. I'm thankful for that.
Day Five: A time I thought about ending my own life.
I'll be honest here. At one point in my life I have considered it. It was a....troubling time. The reason why I haven't posted an entry for a few days was that I was considering how much to actually I was actually gonna say about this subject. Well mostly I was just looking back on this time when I was at my lowest point. Everyone has their off days and they usually bounce back after a couple of days or so then they're back to their usual selves. For me though the off "day" just never seemed to go away. Nothing, and I mean absolutely nothing, was making me happy or even just content. I always just kept thinking to myself this feeling has got to end soon right? My normal state can't possibly be this depressed. Then of course with the addition of doing poorly in school due to my depressed state, which lead to a downward spiral cause I would feel even worse about doing poorly in school and the cycle would continue. Basically the only thing healthy during this time was my physical health. I would go to the gym to work out to get those endorphins going and to just release some stress, anger, and feelings of laziness.
In health class we've learned about depression and suicide. We learned the symptoms and signs and how to help others who were going through it. Of course the actual experience of it changes it all. None of the things I learned about in health pointed me in that direction. I just knew that I felt like shit all the time and it wasn't improving. I knew that I felt like my life was pointless. I knew that I felt like no one cared. Then the scariest thought I've ever had crossed my mind. What if I ended it? What if I took the selfish, easy way out and ended my life? Obviously I didn't do that. The weird thing to me is that usually you hear about people who can't do it because they end up being too afraid of dying to actually go through with it. They don't have an easy way to actually do it. For me though, the reasons why I didn't actually go through with it is that I didn't want to burden the people I know. My parents would still have to pay my student loans, I'd probably make a mess of something they'd have to clean, just stupid things like that. The biggest reason though was that I actually feel like I scared myself out of doing it. This entire time I was just focusing on how I was feeling at the moment and that was all that mattered. After those first thoughts of actually ending my life I just thought to myself holy shit did that really just cross my mind? The fact that I actually went down that train of thought scared me. For awhile I still felt the same, but after some time I started to improve my mood. And that people is time when I considered ending my life. Horrible and depressing yes, but at least I came through. I'm thankful for that.
|
0
comments
|
I'm only one voice in a million (Day Four)
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
at
11:59 AM
"The best any human can do is to pick a delusion that helps him get through the day." -God's Debris by Scott Adams
Day Four: My views on religion
I'm actually not a very religious person. I haven't quite found what I believe in yet so my own personal religious beliefs will be quite vacant in this entry. However, I can talk about my views on other peoples religious beliefs. My take on religion is pretty lax and similar to my view on people doing drugs and alcohol. I accept that people believe what they want to believe. I understand that not all beliefs agree with each other and that some can coexist without contradiction, but that's what's great about the human race. The diversity of all of the different beliefs allows people to explore all different faiths to find whatever fits them. For me, religion is just not a big part of my life. Who knows, maybe in the future I'll find some faith that speaks to me.
I know this entry seems a little short, but I really don't have much to say about religion. I'll add a little reflection about one of my classes that just started today though. I'm taking an intergroup diversity dialogue on men and women. Walking out of that class I felt strangely exhilarated. I'm not sure though if it's from the format of the dialogue or the topic, but I enjoyed it immensely. I recommend definitely taking one of the available dialogues if you have a chance to. One, it's only half a semester and an easy 1 credit class to get an A. Two, it's interesting. Three, it will really open your mind to new things that you didn't know before.
|
0
comments
|
Even heroes need heroes sometime (Day Three)
Monday, October 18, 2010
at
10:34 PM
“The unreal is more powerful than the real, because nothing is as perfect as you can imagine it. because its only intangible ideas, concepts, beliefs, fantasies that last. stone crumbles. wood rots. people, well, they die. but things as fragile as a thought, a dream, a legend, they can go on and on.” -Chuck Palahniuk
Day Three: My views on drugs and alcohol.
Drugs and alcohol are pretty much everywhere. Alcohol especially in college. My view on drugs and alcohol is that it's your body and you can do what you want with it. However, you're going to have to live with the consequences of doing that. I don't look down on people who do or anything like that because that's their choice. Who am I to judge them? Now I personally have never done any drugs or alcohol and proud of myself for that fact. When I tell people that I've never had alcohol before in my life they usually jump to two conclusions. One, that I hate drinking and the people who do and two, that I just don't like the taste of alcohol. I normally just brush it off and say I just don't drink and that's that, but in reality, the reason is is it's just my choice. I've chosen not to partake in those things because I feel it's unnecessary. I don't need to drink to have fun. If I do, then I'm not going down the right path that I want. What really gets me though is that it's basically the norm in college to basically start drinking your freshman year (or at senior week for us HoCo people). Why has this sort of behavior become the norm of our society? My real question is just why? Why do people feel the need to drink? Again, I'm not trying to make myself seem better than people who do, I just don't understand the appeal. I think TFLN basically sums it up quite well. There's the taste (sometimes), the throwing up, hangovers, drunken actions, etc. Not my thing. The fact that drinking happens to take place at big parties is only a small part of the reason too why I don't since I'm not a big fan of big parties. I've made my choice and you've made yours. That's all there is to it.
Day Three: My views on drugs and alcohol.
Drugs and alcohol are pretty much everywhere. Alcohol especially in college. My view on drugs and alcohol is that it's your body and you can do what you want with it. However, you're going to have to live with the consequences of doing that. I don't look down on people who do or anything like that because that's their choice. Who am I to judge them? Now I personally have never done any drugs or alcohol and proud of myself for that fact. When I tell people that I've never had alcohol before in my life they usually jump to two conclusions. One, that I hate drinking and the people who do and two, that I just don't like the taste of alcohol. I normally just brush it off and say I just don't drink and that's that, but in reality, the reason is is it's just my choice. I've chosen not to partake in those things because I feel it's unnecessary. I don't need to drink to have fun. If I do, then I'm not going down the right path that I want. What really gets me though is that it's basically the norm in college to basically start drinking your freshman year (or at senior week for us HoCo people). Why has this sort of behavior become the norm of our society? My real question is just why? Why do people feel the need to drink? Again, I'm not trying to make myself seem better than people who do, I just don't understand the appeal. I think TFLN basically sums it up quite well. There's the taste (sometimes), the throwing up, hangovers, drunken actions, etc. Not my thing. The fact that drinking happens to take place at big parties is only a small part of the reason too why I don't since I'm not a big fan of big parties. I've made my choice and you've made yours. That's all there is to it.
|
0
comments
|
Some say that he sleeps inside out (Day Two)
Sunday, October 17, 2010
at
5:40 AM
“My interest is in the future because I am going to spend the rest of my life there” -Charles F. Kettering
Day Two: Where I'd like to be in ten years.
Unrealistically, I'd like to be a multibillionaire, married to my perfect woman, happy as can be, and doing whatever my heart desires. Realistically, I'd like to be done with school, starting a job I like doing, be in a meaningful relationship, and be generally happy. Those seem like pretty simple and attainable goals right? Right. I like to set easy goals I know I can reach. Be done with school in ten years? Depending on what area of medicine I want to pursue I can do that. I think most residencies are around 4 years or so. So after two more years of undergrad, 4 of medical school and around 4 years for my residency if it's that long and I'll just barely make my goal. It's crazy to think that depending on the required residency time, I may or may not still be "learning" when I'm almost 30 in a decade. Sure it's not the typical school, but since I'm still learning it still counts. Also, this doesn't take into account if I don't get into medical school and have to reapply after gaining for experience. I'd also like to think that after spending all this time around other doctors, I'll have found some job somewhere that I like to do. Since yesterday's topic was relationships it was still fresh on my mind and so I had to include it in where I'd like to be in ten years. I know it's not really the most important thing, but I definitely wouldn't mind being with a special someone at that point in my life. The generally happy though is objective. It all really depends on what my definition is of "happy" now and in the future. I know for a fact that my definition of happy will change in the next decade, the only question is will I meet those new standards in ten years or not. I'm fairly confident though that I will be generally happy in ten years. I'll have gotten through most of school, become more mature, living on my own, and just creating my own life for myself. That all may be scary, but it's also exciting and that's why I think I'll be happy then. While the new and unknown scare the crap out of me and make me super nervous, it's exciting to forge my own path in life. I still wish though that sometimes I could redo some of the decisions in the past.
Day Two: Where I'd like to be in ten years.
Unrealistically, I'd like to be a multibillionaire, married to my perfect woman, happy as can be, and doing whatever my heart desires. Realistically, I'd like to be done with school, starting a job I like doing, be in a meaningful relationship, and be generally happy. Those seem like pretty simple and attainable goals right? Right. I like to set easy goals I know I can reach. Be done with school in ten years? Depending on what area of medicine I want to pursue I can do that. I think most residencies are around 4 years or so. So after two more years of undergrad, 4 of medical school and around 4 years for my residency if it's that long and I'll just barely make my goal. It's crazy to think that depending on the required residency time, I may or may not still be "learning" when I'm almost 30 in a decade. Sure it's not the typical school, but since I'm still learning it still counts. Also, this doesn't take into account if I don't get into medical school and have to reapply after gaining for experience. I'd also like to think that after spending all this time around other doctors, I'll have found some job somewhere that I like to do. Since yesterday's topic was relationships it was still fresh on my mind and so I had to include it in where I'd like to be in ten years. I know it's not really the most important thing, but I definitely wouldn't mind being with a special someone at that point in my life. The generally happy though is objective. It all really depends on what my definition is of "happy" now and in the future. I know for a fact that my definition of happy will change in the next decade, the only question is will I meet those new standards in ten years or not. I'm fairly confident though that I will be generally happy in ten years. I'll have gotten through most of school, become more mature, living on my own, and just creating my own life for myself. That all may be scary, but it's also exciting and that's why I think I'll be happy then. While the new and unknown scare the crap out of me and make me super nervous, it's exciting to forge my own path in life. I still wish though that sometimes I could redo some of the decisions in the past.
|
0
comments
|
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
