Passion. That word can apply to a lot of different things. You can have passion for another individual. You can have passion doing a job. You can have passion about life. You can have passion for an idea. It's good to have passion about someone or something in your life and I believe that everyone should have that. This is probably a horrible example to use, but in movies you see it all the time where some character does whatever it takes to achieve some sort of goal or end result. Sometimes they screw everything up and other times in somehow works out in the end. Is it worth taking the risk though not knowing that in real life whether or not it will actually work out or not? Some people will say yes and some will take the safe route and say no. For me though, it's not the taking the risk part of the passion, it's the what is your passion part. I haven't quite found that one thing that drives me to excel. That one part of my life that no matter what I will fight to achieve it. I've seen people all around me find what they are passionate for. Passionate about helping animals, become a doctor to help people, politics, whatever. What do I have right now? Nada. When will I find it? Who knows. I just know that right now I feel lost without it. Most people I know around me know what drives them and I feel a little out of place. I tell myself that I want to become a doctor to help people, but I can't believe it when I say it. So, what's your passion?
Keep your head to the sky
Friday, July 16, 2010
at
3:33 AM
"Tell me who admires you and loves you, and I will tell you who you are." -Charles Augustin Sainte-Beuve
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He'd rather hear goodbye
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
at
4:39 AM
“I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” -Maya Angelou
I've learned three new things the past few weeks or so. One I let my emotions/feelings control my actions. I've noticed through past experiences and just taking note of how I handle things now that during the moment that I act...well to be honest, quite stupidly. Looking back though I tell myself damn I should've said this or done this instead because I handled it in not the best way. Essentially what this is saying is that I'm quite logical and smart in my actions until they actually matter. Why do I do this? I have a hunch that I just suck at spontaneity (and spelling since it took me three tries to spell that) and just being in the moment that I just say or do the first thing that comes to mind, which in my case is usually the worst decision. This could also stem to my tendency to regret things. In case you haven't noticed, I tend to just do a lot of thinking in my head.
Second thing is that I put others before myself. Well this one doesn't actually fit since I kinda knew this about myself, but sort of ignored it for awhile telling myself it would go away. What I mean by this is if I have a choice between helping out a friend or helping out myself, I'll end up helping out the friend even though it would probably be better to take care of myself first. My mom even told me herself that I should always take care of myself first no matter what other people think of your decision to do so. Even if they end up hating or resenting you for not choosing them, they aren't the ones going home at night, it's you. Just you. If you don't take care of yourself, then you won't be able to choose between the two. Despite hearing this and knowing that I should follow it, it's just one of those things that I have difficulty changing about myself. Really I just think that it's because I'm just too nice. I can't say no. Well I could, but it just makes me incredibly uncomfortable saying no knowing the other person will walk away disappointed. I'm just that nice guy. I don't want to be that nice guy though. I want to be able to actually stand up for myself. I want to be my own person and not what other people expect me to be. Turns out it's a lot harder than I thought for me to not be that nice guy who puts everyone else before him.
Three, accepting what you cant change doesnt mean it doesnt still affect you. I've definitely come to grips with if you can't change it then you might as well accept it. However, as I've found out that even if you accept that nothing you do will change it, it will still affect you in different ways. For me it doesn't make it any easier dealing with it. Still makes me just as depressed. I'm a giant mess, yay!
I've learned three new things the past few weeks or so. One I let my emotions/feelings control my actions. I've noticed through past experiences and just taking note of how I handle things now that during the moment that I act...well to be honest, quite stupidly. Looking back though I tell myself damn I should've said this or done this instead because I handled it in not the best way. Essentially what this is saying is that I'm quite logical and smart in my actions until they actually matter. Why do I do this? I have a hunch that I just suck at spontaneity (and spelling since it took me three tries to spell that) and just being in the moment that I just say or do the first thing that comes to mind, which in my case is usually the worst decision. This could also stem to my tendency to regret things. In case you haven't noticed, I tend to just do a lot of thinking in my head.
Second thing is that I put others before myself. Well this one doesn't actually fit since I kinda knew this about myself, but sort of ignored it for awhile telling myself it would go away. What I mean by this is if I have a choice between helping out a friend or helping out myself, I'll end up helping out the friend even though it would probably be better to take care of myself first. My mom even told me herself that I should always take care of myself first no matter what other people think of your decision to do so. Even if they end up hating or resenting you for not choosing them, they aren't the ones going home at night, it's you. Just you. If you don't take care of yourself, then you won't be able to choose between the two. Despite hearing this and knowing that I should follow it, it's just one of those things that I have difficulty changing about myself. Really I just think that it's because I'm just too nice. I can't say no. Well I could, but it just makes me incredibly uncomfortable saying no knowing the other person will walk away disappointed. I'm just that nice guy. I don't want to be that nice guy though. I want to be able to actually stand up for myself. I want to be my own person and not what other people expect me to be. Turns out it's a lot harder than I thought for me to not be that nice guy who puts everyone else before him.
Three, accepting what you cant change doesnt mean it doesnt still affect you. I've definitely come to grips with if you can't change it then you might as well accept it. However, as I've found out that even if you accept that nothing you do will change it, it will still affect you in different ways. For me it doesn't make it any easier dealing with it. Still makes me just as depressed. I'm a giant mess, yay!
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Pretty fades, but fly is forever
Saturday, July 3, 2010
at
10:47 PM
"You wear a mask for so long, you forget who you were beneath it." -V for Vendetta
I know I'm a horrible conversationalist. I enjoy silence as much as I enjoy a meaningful conversation with someone. I understand that I'm much better at talking or opening up to someone when I'm not facing them. Obviously things like that would be much better face to face rather than talking online or through the phone. It's always better to physically be looking at the person into their eyes. For me though that honestly scares me. I don't like feeling vulnerable like that. People say eyes are the window to the soul so I can only guess what people see when they look into mine. I'm not saying I'm a horrible person or anything underneath, but of course I have some secrets that no one knows that have changed me. There's a reason they're secrets. Maybe I'm just worried that if people find out about my entire story things will change. I'm incredibly mindful of what people think of me. Not one of my greatest qualities though it does have a plus sides to the many downsides.
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