"I have more trouble with myself than with any other man I've met." -D.L. Moody
So it's been awhile since I've posted and I've seen a bunch of people do these and it seems like a good way for me to get back into the blogging mode. And some have told me I should do this. I figure after doing it I'll be more inclined to actually finish entries rather than leave them unfinished for months to come and never come back to them. What am I referring to? These 30 day blogging challenges that are all over the place. I've seen a bunch of different ones, but I just picked this one since it wasn't just post your favorite whatever each day. That's boring. So here's the list:
Day 01 - Your current relationship, if single discuss how single life is.
Day 02 - Where you’d like to be in 10 years.
Day 03 - Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Day 04 - Your views on religion.
Day 05 - A time you thought about ending your own life.
Day 06 - Write 30 interesting facts about yourself.
Day 07 - Your zodiac sign and if you think it fits your personality.
Day 08 - A moment you felt the most satisfied with your life.
Day 09 - How you hope your future will be like.
Day 10 - Discuss your first love and first kiss.
Day 11 - Put your ipod on shuffle and write 10 songs that pop up.
Day 12 - Bullet your whole day.
Day 13 - Somewhere you’d like to move or visit.
Day 14 - Your earliest memory.
Day 15 - Your favorite blogs.
Day 16 - Your views on mainstream music.
Day 17 - Your highs and lows of this past year.
Day 18 - Your beliefs.
Day 19 - Disrespecting your parents.
Day 20 - How important you think education is.
Day 21 - One of your favorite shows.
Day 22 - How have you changed in the past 2 years?
Day 23 - Give pictures of 5 girls who are famous who you find attractive.
Day 24 - Your favorite movie and what it’s about.
Day 25 - Someone who fascinates you and why.
Day 26 - What kind of person attracts you.
Day 27 - A problem that you have had.
Day 28 - Something that you miss.
Day 29 - Goals for the next 30 days.
Day 30 - Your highs and lows of this month.
Day One: My current relationship, if single discuss how single life is.
Thus I'll start today with Day 1. So...my relationship status. According to the almighty Facebook, I'm single. I'm not gonna lie, I want a relationship as much as anybody else. However, I've come to the conclusion that having one right now would be a bad idea. First and foremost, I don't feel I've reached the maturity level yet for the kinds of relationships I'm looking for. I don't remember if I touched upon this on a previous post or not, but my entire life I've always felt a step behind everyone else in maturity and just felt smaller in general in comparison to everyone else. I attribute that to the fact that I was quite a bit younger than other people in my grade and being the shy kid I am. This lapse in maturity has led me to believe that I currently don't have the emotional or mental maturity to have a meaningful relationship. I dunno, I could always be wrong about this too, but I guess we'll never know. Secondly, I've started having trust issues some time ago. It's complicated. Well...not really. It's just simply I don't trust people as much as I did before. I was (and kinda still am) naive and believe pretty much whatever people told me, which turned around to bite me in the ass. Thirdly, I'm still too shy to actually approach girls or make a move if somehow I made it past the introductions. I told myself I'd work on this, but you know what? It's damn tough to get over nerves when approaching a beautiful girl. Fourthly, I don't even know if fourthly is correct, but thats not the real fourth point. The real point is that girls are confusing. It's that simple. Fifthly, I just wanted to have a fifthly. Sixthly, I'm just messing with you, this is the end of the post.
Keep your head to the sky
Friday, July 16, 2010
at
3:33 AM
"Tell me who admires you and loves you, and I will tell you who you are." -Charles Augustin Sainte-Beuve
Passion. That word can apply to a lot of different things. You can have passion for another individual. You can have passion doing a job. You can have passion about life. You can have passion for an idea. It's good to have passion about someone or something in your life and I believe that everyone should have that. This is probably a horrible example to use, but in movies you see it all the time where some character does whatever it takes to achieve some sort of goal or end result. Sometimes they screw everything up and other times in somehow works out in the end. Is it worth taking the risk though not knowing that in real life whether or not it will actually work out or not? Some people will say yes and some will take the safe route and say no. For me though, it's not the taking the risk part of the passion, it's the what is your passion part. I haven't quite found that one thing that drives me to excel. That one part of my life that no matter what I will fight to achieve it. I've seen people all around me find what they are passionate for. Passionate about helping animals, become a doctor to help people, politics, whatever. What do I have right now? Nada. When will I find it? Who knows. I just know that right now I feel lost without it. Most people I know around me know what drives them and I feel a little out of place. I tell myself that I want to become a doctor to help people, but I can't believe it when I say it. So, what's your passion?
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He'd rather hear goodbye
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
at
4:39 AM
“I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” -Maya Angelou
I've learned three new things the past few weeks or so. One I let my emotions/feelings control my actions. I've noticed through past experiences and just taking note of how I handle things now that during the moment that I act...well to be honest, quite stupidly. Looking back though I tell myself damn I should've said this or done this instead because I handled it in not the best way. Essentially what this is saying is that I'm quite logical and smart in my actions until they actually matter. Why do I do this? I have a hunch that I just suck at spontaneity (and spelling since it took me three tries to spell that) and just being in the moment that I just say or do the first thing that comes to mind, which in my case is usually the worst decision. This could also stem to my tendency to regret things. In case you haven't noticed, I tend to just do a lot of thinking in my head.
Second thing is that I put others before myself. Well this one doesn't actually fit since I kinda knew this about myself, but sort of ignored it for awhile telling myself it would go away. What I mean by this is if I have a choice between helping out a friend or helping out myself, I'll end up helping out the friend even though it would probably be better to take care of myself first. My mom even told me herself that I should always take care of myself first no matter what other people think of your decision to do so. Even if they end up hating or resenting you for not choosing them, they aren't the ones going home at night, it's you. Just you. If you don't take care of yourself, then you won't be able to choose between the two. Despite hearing this and knowing that I should follow it, it's just one of those things that I have difficulty changing about myself. Really I just think that it's because I'm just too nice. I can't say no. Well I could, but it just makes me incredibly uncomfortable saying no knowing the other person will walk away disappointed. I'm just that nice guy. I don't want to be that nice guy though. I want to be able to actually stand up for myself. I want to be my own person and not what other people expect me to be. Turns out it's a lot harder than I thought for me to not be that nice guy who puts everyone else before him.
Three, accepting what you cant change doesnt mean it doesnt still affect you. I've definitely come to grips with if you can't change it then you might as well accept it. However, as I've found out that even if you accept that nothing you do will change it, it will still affect you in different ways. For me it doesn't make it any easier dealing with it. Still makes me just as depressed. I'm a giant mess, yay!
I've learned three new things the past few weeks or so. One I let my emotions/feelings control my actions. I've noticed through past experiences and just taking note of how I handle things now that during the moment that I act...well to be honest, quite stupidly. Looking back though I tell myself damn I should've said this or done this instead because I handled it in not the best way. Essentially what this is saying is that I'm quite logical and smart in my actions until they actually matter. Why do I do this? I have a hunch that I just suck at spontaneity (and spelling since it took me three tries to spell that) and just being in the moment that I just say or do the first thing that comes to mind, which in my case is usually the worst decision. This could also stem to my tendency to regret things. In case you haven't noticed, I tend to just do a lot of thinking in my head.
Second thing is that I put others before myself. Well this one doesn't actually fit since I kinda knew this about myself, but sort of ignored it for awhile telling myself it would go away. What I mean by this is if I have a choice between helping out a friend or helping out myself, I'll end up helping out the friend even though it would probably be better to take care of myself first. My mom even told me herself that I should always take care of myself first no matter what other people think of your decision to do so. Even if they end up hating or resenting you for not choosing them, they aren't the ones going home at night, it's you. Just you. If you don't take care of yourself, then you won't be able to choose between the two. Despite hearing this and knowing that I should follow it, it's just one of those things that I have difficulty changing about myself. Really I just think that it's because I'm just too nice. I can't say no. Well I could, but it just makes me incredibly uncomfortable saying no knowing the other person will walk away disappointed. I'm just that nice guy. I don't want to be that nice guy though. I want to be able to actually stand up for myself. I want to be my own person and not what other people expect me to be. Turns out it's a lot harder than I thought for me to not be that nice guy who puts everyone else before him.
Three, accepting what you cant change doesnt mean it doesnt still affect you. I've definitely come to grips with if you can't change it then you might as well accept it. However, as I've found out that even if you accept that nothing you do will change it, it will still affect you in different ways. For me it doesn't make it any easier dealing with it. Still makes me just as depressed. I'm a giant mess, yay!
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Pretty fades, but fly is forever
Saturday, July 3, 2010
at
10:47 PM
"You wear a mask for so long, you forget who you were beneath it." -V for Vendetta
I know I'm a horrible conversationalist. I enjoy silence as much as I enjoy a meaningful conversation with someone. I understand that I'm much better at talking or opening up to someone when I'm not facing them. Obviously things like that would be much better face to face rather than talking online or through the phone. It's always better to physically be looking at the person into their eyes. For me though that honestly scares me. I don't like feeling vulnerable like that. People say eyes are the window to the soul so I can only guess what people see when they look into mine. I'm not saying I'm a horrible person or anything underneath, but of course I have some secrets that no one knows that have changed me. There's a reason they're secrets. Maybe I'm just worried that if people find out about my entire story things will change. I'm incredibly mindful of what people think of me. Not one of my greatest qualities though it does have a plus sides to the many downsides.
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People order our patties
Saturday, May 29, 2010
at
10:30 PM
"One measure of friendship consists not in the number of things friends can discuss, but in the number of things they need no longer mention." -Clifton Fadiman
If I was being 100% honest with myself for once, I would honestly say that no, I'm not happy.
If I was being 100% honest with myself for once, I would honestly say that no, I'm not happy.
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That's not flying, it's falling with style.
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
at
12:14 AM
“A foolish man tells a woman to stop talking, but a wise man tells her that her mouth is extremely beautiful when her lips are closed”
The question I have the most trouble answering is "Tell me about yourself." I don't always mean that in the interview context, but just any sort of situation. Like I met someone who (whom? I still don't know the rule) I went to middle school with and she said, "I've been talking too much now it's your turn, you talk now." I opened my mouth to say something, but came up with nothing. I was utterly bewildered that I couldn't come up with anything. Now some would say that maybe it was the pretty girl I was talking to. Believe me, that wasn't it. Surprising, I know. I don't know why I couldn't come up with anything. So then, being the extremely smooth guy I am, I blathered on about nonsense. So later on I was thinking about what really made me...me. I came up with nothing. I don't really know who I am right now. I no longer know what makes me me. I don't know what I'm passionate about anymore. I'm completely lost. Hopefully I can figure out my life in this wonderful period of life called college education. Right now it's pretty much like I've been driving along and I've just realized I don't know where I'm going, but yet I just still keep on driving just hoping it ends up going where I need or want to be. I'm just a wandering turtle looking for his home.
The question I have the most trouble answering is "Tell me about yourself." I don't always mean that in the interview context, but just any sort of situation. Like I met someone who (whom? I still don't know the rule) I went to middle school with and she said, "I've been talking too much now it's your turn, you talk now." I opened my mouth to say something, but came up with nothing. I was utterly bewildered that I couldn't come up with anything. Now some would say that maybe it was the pretty girl I was talking to. Believe me, that wasn't it. Surprising, I know. I don't know why I couldn't come up with anything. So then, being the extremely smooth guy I am, I blathered on about nonsense. So later on I was thinking about what really made me...me. I came up with nothing. I don't really know who I am right now. I no longer know what makes me me. I don't know what I'm passionate about anymore. I'm completely lost. Hopefully I can figure out my life in this wonderful period of life called college education. Right now it's pretty much like I've been driving along and I've just realized I don't know where I'm going, but yet I just still keep on driving just hoping it ends up going where I need or want to be. I'm just a wandering turtle looking for his home.
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Everybody makes mistakes.
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
at
12:25 AM
"Joy is the simplest form of gratitude." -Karl Barth
The one thing I've regrettably done lately has been forget about old friends. We all assume they'll always be there for us like they have in the past, but we don't realize is that we are just taking them for granted. They may not always be there. True the ones who stick by you are the ones that matter, but it applies both ways. YOU need to show your friends that they matter to you enough for you to be there for them all the time. This is the thing I wish I realized before and hope to spread it to people I know. It makes me sad seeing people who've been friends for such a long time start to drift apart. We can all do something about it. Take a couple seconds and who your old friends you care about them. You can do it with your new friends too, but never ever forget the people who've been there for you in the past. You'll never know realize much you needed that person until it's too late if you don't...
The one thing I've regrettably done lately has been forget about old friends. We all assume they'll always be there for us like they have in the past, but we don't realize is that we are just taking them for granted. They may not always be there. True the ones who stick by you are the ones that matter, but it applies both ways. YOU need to show your friends that they matter to you enough for you to be there for them all the time. This is the thing I wish I realized before and hope to spread it to people I know. It makes me sad seeing people who've been friends for such a long time start to drift apart. We can all do something about it. Take a couple seconds and who your old friends you care about them. You can do it with your new friends too, but never ever forget the people who've been there for you in the past. You'll never know realize much you needed that person until it's too late if you don't...
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