minhpho

"The best any human can do is to pick a delusion that helps him get through the day." -God's Debris by Scott Adams

“The unreal is more powerful than the real, because nothing is as perfect as you can imagine it. because its only intangible ideas, concepts, beliefs, fantasies that last. stone crumbles. wood rots. people, well, they die. but things as fragile as a thought, a dream, a legend, they can go on and on.” -Chuck Palahniuk


Day Three: My views on drugs and alcohol.


Drugs and alcohol are pretty much everywhere. Alcohol especially in college. My view on drugs and alcohol is that it's your body and you can do what you want with it. However, you're going to have to live with the consequences of doing that. I don't look down on people who do or anything like that because that's their choice. Who am I to judge them? Now I personally have never done any drugs or alcohol and proud of myself for that fact. When I tell people that I've never had alcohol before in my life they usually jump to two conclusions. One, that I hate drinking and the people who do and two, that I just don't like the taste of alcohol. I normally just brush it off and say I just don't drink and that's that, but in reality, the reason is is it's just my choice. I've chosen not to partake in those things because I feel it's unnecessary. I don't need to drink to have fun. If I do, then I'm not going down the right path that I want. What really gets me though is that it's basically the norm in college to basically start drinking your freshman year (or at senior week for us HoCo people). Why has this sort of behavior become the norm of our society? My real question is just why? Why do people feel the need to drink? Again, I'm not trying to make myself seem better than people who do, I just don't understand the appeal. I think TFLN basically sums it up quite well. There's the taste (sometimes), the throwing up, hangovers, drunken actions, etc. Not my thing. The fact that drinking happens to take place at big parties is only a small part of the reason too why I don't since I'm not a big fan of big parties. I've made my choice and you've made yours. That's all there is to it.

“My interest is in the future because I am going to spend the rest of my life there” -Charles F. Kettering


Day Two: Where I'd like to be in ten years.


Unrealistically, I'd like to be a multibillionaire, married to my perfect woman, happy as can be, and doing whatever my heart desires. Realistically, I'd like to be done with school, starting a job I like doing, be in a meaningful relationship, and be generally happy. Those seem like pretty simple and attainable goals right? Right. I like to set easy goals I know I can reach. Be done with school in ten years? Depending on what area of medicine I want to pursue I can do that. I think most residencies are around 4 years or so. So after two more years of undergrad, 4 of medical school and around 4 years for my residency if it's that long and I'll just barely make my goal. It's crazy to think that depending on the required residency time, I may or may not still be "learning" when I'm almost 30 in a decade. Sure it's not the typical school, but since I'm still learning it still counts. Also, this doesn't take into account if I don't get into medical school and have to reapply after gaining for experience. I'd also like to think that after spending all this time around other doctors, I'll have found some job somewhere that I like to do. Since yesterday's topic was relationships it was still fresh on my mind and so I had to include it in where I'd like to be in ten years. I know it's not really the most important thing, but I definitely wouldn't mind being with a special someone at that point in my life. The generally happy though is objective. It all really depends on what my definition is of "happy" now and in the future. I know for a fact that my definition of happy will change in the next decade, the only question is will I meet those new standards in ten years or not. I'm fairly confident though that I will be generally happy in ten years. I'll have gotten through most of school, become more mature, living on my own, and just creating my own life for myself. That all may be scary, but it's also exciting and that's why I think I'll be happy then. While the new and unknown scare the crap out of me and make me super nervous, it's exciting to forge my own path in life. I still wish though that sometimes I could redo some of the decisions in the past.

"I have more trouble with myself than with any other man I've met." -D.L. Moody


So it's been awhile since I've posted and I've seen a bunch of people do these and it seems like a good way for me to get back into the blogging mode. And some have told me I should do this. I figure after doing it I'll be more inclined to actually finish entries rather than leave them unfinished for months to come and never come back to them. What am I referring to? These 30 day blogging challenges that are all over the place. I've seen a bunch of different ones, but I just picked this one since it wasn't just post your favorite whatever each day. That's boring. So here's the list:


Day 01 - Your current relationship, if single discuss how single life is.
Day 02 - Where you’d like to be in 10 years.
Day 03 - Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Day 04 - Your views on religion.
Day 05 - A time you thought about ending your own life.
Day 06 - Write 30 interesting facts about yourself.
Day 07 - Your zodiac sign and if you think it fits your personality.
Day 08 - A moment you felt the most satisfied with your life.
Day 09 - How you hope your future will be like.
Day 10 - Discuss your first love and first kiss.
Day 11 - Put your ipod on shuffle and write 10 songs that pop up.
Day 12 - Bullet your whole day.
Day 13 - Somewhere you’d like to move or visit.
Day 14 - Your earliest memory.
Day 15 - Your favorite blogs.
Day 16 - Your views on mainstream music.
Day 17 - Your highs and lows of this past year.
Day 18 - Your beliefs.
Day 19 - Disrespecting your parents.
Day 20 - How important you think education is.
Day 21 - One of your favorite shows.
Day 22 - How have you changed in the past 2 years?
Day 23 - Give pictures of 5 girls who are famous who you find attractive.
Day 24 - Your favorite movie and what it’s about.
Day 25 - Someone who fascinates you and why.
Day 26 - What kind of person attracts you.
Day 27 - A problem that you have had.
Day 28 - Something that you miss.
Day 29 - Goals for the next 30 days.
Day 30 - Your highs and lows of this month.


Day One: My current relationship, if single discuss how single life is.


Thus I'll start today with Day 1. So...my relationship status. According to the almighty Facebook, I'm single. I'm not gonna lie, I want a relationship as much as anybody else. However, I've come to the conclusion that having one right now would be a bad idea. First and foremost, I don't feel I've reached the maturity level yet for the kinds of relationships I'm looking for. I don't remember if I touched upon this on a previous post or not, but my entire life I've always felt a step behind everyone else in maturity and just felt smaller in general in comparison to everyone else. I attribute that to the fact that I was quite a bit younger than other people in my grade and being the shy kid I am. This lapse in maturity has led me to believe that I currently don't have the emotional or mental maturity to have a meaningful relationship. I dunno, I could always be wrong about this too, but I guess we'll never know. Secondly, I've started having trust issues some time ago. It's complicated. Well...not really. It's just simply I don't trust people as much as I did before. I was (and kinda still am) naive and believe pretty much whatever people told me, which turned around to bite me in the ass. Thirdly, I'm still too shy to actually approach girls or make a move if somehow I made it past the introductions. I told myself I'd work on this, but you know what? It's damn tough to get over nerves when approaching a beautiful girl. Fourthly, I don't even know if fourthly is correct, but thats not the real fourth point. The real point is that girls are confusing. It's that simple. Fifthly, I just wanted to have a fifthly. Sixthly, I'm just messing with you, this is the end of the post.

"Tell me who admires you and loves you, and I will tell you who you are." -Charles Augustin Sainte-Beuve

“I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” -Maya Angelou

I've learned three new things the past few weeks or so. One I let my emotions/feelings control my actions.  I've noticed through past experiences and just taking note of how I handle things now that during the moment that I act...well to be honest, quite stupidly. Looking back though I tell myself damn I should've said this or done this instead because I handled it in not the best way. Essentially what this is saying is that I'm quite logical and smart in my actions until they actually matter. Why do I do this? I have a hunch that I just suck at spontaneity (and spelling since it took me three tries to spell that) and just being in the moment that I just say or do the first thing that comes to mind, which in my case is usually the worst decision. This could also stem to my tendency to regret things. In case you haven't noticed, I tend to just do a lot of thinking in my head.

Second thing is that I put others before myself. Well this one doesn't actually fit since I kinda knew this about myself, but sort of ignored it for awhile telling myself it would go away. What I mean by this is if I have a choice between helping out a friend or helping out myself, I'll end up helping out the friend even though it would probably be better to take care of myself first. My mom even told me herself that I should always take care of myself first no matter what other people think of your decision to do so. Even if they end up hating or resenting you for not choosing them, they aren't the ones going home at night, it's you. Just you. If you don't take care of yourself, then you won't be able to choose between the two. Despite hearing this and knowing that I should follow it, it's just one of those things that I have difficulty changing about myself. Really I just think that it's because I'm just too nice. I can't say no. Well I could, but it just makes me incredibly uncomfortable saying no knowing the other person will walk away disappointed. I'm just that nice guy. I don't want to be that nice guy though. I want to be able to actually stand up for myself. I want to be my own person and not what other people expect me to be. Turns out it's a lot harder than I thought for me to not be that nice guy who puts everyone else before him.

Three, accepting what you cant change doesnt mean it doesnt still affect you. I've definitely come to grips with if you can't change it then you might as well accept it. However, as I've found out that even if you accept that nothing you do will change it, it will still affect you in different ways. For me it doesn't make it any easier dealing with it. Still makes me just as depressed. I'm a giant mess, yay!